Over the past ten years, I had taken many breaks from alcohol — from a couple of months to even nine. But every time, deep down, I knew I would eventually return to drinking.

So why is it different this time? What helped me stay on this path? And can I honestly call myself “cured” after one full year of sobriety? That’s what this story is about.

I remember myself in my 20s, on a girls’ night out I was choosing a glass of dry white wine, or prosecco — what could look safer and more elegant than that?

In 10 years this “safe” one glass — as a drink of fun and joy — brought me to 1 bottle (sometimes even more) per evening that I could drink all alone and It was not a special occasion anymore — just a random week dinner !

I had my reasons — to relax, to de-stress and all people are drinking, right?

But scary moments I had when I decided — every day is too much — let’s have a drink just a couple of days a week — and my God, what cravings I had! That craving felt stronger than me.

That was the moment I realized: I wasn’t free.

I blamed my genes for those cravings — both of my granddads were alcoholics (though it didn’t influence either of my parents).

I blamed social media, films and magazines that created this picture of a girl with a glass of wine in a beautiful place — as a definition of fun and happiness.

I blamed war, emigration, loneliness, everyday uncertainty and of course dissatisfaction because of the way I looked, the place I lived and the work I did.

And then a trip to Sicily brought me to the edge: even my physical state was ruined with strong headaches and pain in my liver from “just a prosecco.” So I decided: it was time to quit drinking completely.

That day, one year ago — October 2nd, 2024, on my way back from the trip — became the official beginning of my sobriety journey.

The Path & Paradigm Shift

The first months were hard. I replaced alcohol with non-alcoholic beer and wine (most of it tasted terrible, except German beer — actually good but expensive). I also leaned on zero-calorie sodas and I used an app I Am Sober.

I loved to see the number on a screen changing. One day, then another… and in the dark moments the idea of ruining this number was what helped me keep going.

Funny, because in the past few months I almost didn’t open the app — numbers stopped being important.

Just as the non-alcoholic substitutions disappeared when I went to the next level of my personal journey and started the 100-day challenge. I cut carbs and sugar — so I didn’t want to drink my calories anymore!

What changed

I saw the positive influence my decision was making around me. When I visited family or met friends — a lot of people decided to support me, like: “Oh, you don’t drink? Okay, then I won’t either!” Isn’t it amazing?!

What changed dramatically was my social life.

And it’s not that I feel abandoned in a bar while other people are drinking.

It’s that I DON’T WANT to go to the bar! Because I feel tired in the evenings, I want to sleep, tomorrow I’m going for a run, and I don’t like the atmosphere of crowded places full of drunk people.

But I still want to connect. So I choose hikes, long walks, art exhibitions or sport activities for that. Even group meditations, book discussions or creative classes are way better options!

So what did it change? It changed A LOT! It changed the way I deal with my free time, with people around me, it helped me build new habits and even a new personality.

What is sad and scary?

I still miss alcohol sometimes. Even after 1 year I can feel the desire to taste it, and sometimes I’m afraid that I won’t be able to resist and one day I will fall again.

I hope it’s not gonna happen, but this specific feeling shows me how strong this drinking habit is — no surprise, as I’ve been building it for more than 20 years!

How many years will it take till the moment when I can say — I don’t want it, I don’t need it, I’m completely cured? I don’t know. Time will show.