Trained to Desire: How the Market Rewires Our Wants
- yuliiaprybytkova
- Apr 24
- 7 min read
Take a careful look at what you own, because you might be surprised by how much you have. But if most of your things are just sitting on shelves, your clothes are gathering dust, and you still feel like you have nothing to wear — plus life feels like a race to earn and spend… Congratulations — you’ve been caught. They sold you an idea: “You deserve only the best.” And you believed that a new bag, lipstick, car, or vacation would make you happier.
But is it true? Can we stop this cycle of endless wanting? That’s what this text is about.
In universities, students now study neuromarketing — the science of how to get inside your head and plant the idea that life without a product isn’t really life.
This idea may look harmless at first. But like a little worm, it crawls inside with a hidden craving: “I want.” “I need.” “I must buy.”
And suddenly:
women start removing hair — though before 1915, no one thought smooth armpits were a sign of elegance or hygiene. Thanks, Gillette!*
we dream of diamond rings because a company — De Beers — told us long ago: Love = Diamonds.**
we smoke cigarettes to feel free and powerful — because in 1929, American Tobacco paid women to walk down the street with a cigarette in hand, calling it a Torch of Freedom. (You can blame your doctor’s raised eyebrow on them too.)***
Smart people sell us not things, but feelings: Not a Volvo, but safety. Not Coca-Cola, but youth. Not Dior lipstick, but passion.
And that’s how our vision boards and wishlists all start to look the same!
We’re stuck in routines so deep, we forget: This idea of the “perfect, happy life” — maybe it’s not even ours. And
What if the market is telling us what to want?!
You know what helped me tell the difference between my true desires and the market’s whisper?
Exploring what is my “enough.”
Sufficiency in general is a cool word — and an important category to define for yourself and stick to.
I defined mine each time I had to leave my home because of war, with just one suitcase in my hand. That’s when I understood: I actually need very little — and what I truly need doesn’t fit in a suitcase anyway.
On my last trip to Kyiv, I finally opened a closet full of my old clothes — at my brother’s apartment. We took 4 big bags to the dumpster, gave 2 huge ones to charity — and still, some things were left. I’ve been living in Portugal for three years, and I didn’t even remember these clothes existed. Honestly, I could really use the money I once spent on those things. And I’d rather spend a whole day with my family than waste it sorting a mountain of clothes I never wore.
To me, freedom is the highest value.
Which of course begins with big decisions — of The path, calling, place in the world. But freedom as a velue shows up in the little daily choices:
Buy a new laptop or not?
What to eat for breakfast?
Where to go for a vacation?
Every small decision builds your thinking, your character, your future.
So if you want to be a free person, you have to check your inner compass regularly. From “Am I going the right way?” to “What’s really going on in my closet?”
Lately, I’ve been exploring minimalism — one of the most practical ways to rethink consumption. Don’t get me wrong: I love beautiful things. Clothes. Printed books. Skincare. Jewelry. And if a new apartment or car keys suddenly fell into my lap — I wouldn’t say no. But what I don’t like — are those boxes under my desk. They’ve been sitting there for months, silently nagging me, waiting for me to “deal with them”. They’re a living reminder of how much time, money, and energy I once spent to bring all those things into my life. And to avoid repeating this cycle again and again, I started practicing a few simple tools — ones I now share with clients and here, with you.
Let’s talk strategies — tools that help fight the shopping reflex and bring more clarity into life.
Put Everything You Own Into One List
Just open Google Sheets, a notes app — or even better, my Notion template (it includes wardrobe, finances, and documents databases) — and start writing.
Go room by room. Drawer by drawer. Decluttering as you go.
And every single thing you decide to keep — clothes, shoes, tech, books — add it to the list. Whatever tool you use, the point is the same:
See your stuff as one long list.
Because only when you lay it all out like that — in one place — it hits you:
You own a lot.
Ten red dresses? Five opened mascaras? Twenty coffee mugs?
That shock often becomes the start of new habits.
My Notion template “Wardrobe. Finances. Documents” helps make this process easier and more visual.
It also lets you budget at the same time. And instead of using five different apps — you'll only need one.
Which, to be honest, is already a minimalism win.
Try selling things on OLX or Vinted
Decluttering is a great exercise in itself — but it’s not a cure.
You’ve probably already given bags of clothes to friends or sent things to your parents’ house…
And the next year, it’s the same story.
So here’s something else you can try: sell some of your stuff on platforms like OLX or Vinted.
Take a couple of pictures, write a short description, set a price — and remind yourself just how little people are willing to pay for your third pair of high-heeled sandals or that pile of paperback books that once cost you a year’s gym membership.
In 1990, MIT ran an experiment: students who got a free mug valued it three times higher than those who were offered to buy it.
That’s called the endowment effect — we overprice what we already own.
So if you’re planning to sell something, divide your price by three.
And as a bonus — earn a few karma points and call yourself an eco-activist for selling (or buying!) secondhand.
“Let it simmer” — my dad’s wisdom in one line
When I was little, I used to beg my dad to buy me toys. He never said no directly. Instead, he smiled and said,
"Let it simmer."
At the time, I was convinced he was being cruel in a very creative way. Now? I think he was a genius.
He had no idea about the marshmallow experiment from Stanford, but his approach was all about the same lesson:
If you can wait, you win.
So I waited.
And — no surprise — by the next morning, most of my wants had magically disappeared. Only the big ones stayed. Those we bought later — when they truly mattered. This tiny pause shaped my character and helped our family budget, too.
Now, I do the same thing — just in Notion. Whenever I want something, I log it in my "Wants" list (not to be confused with goals). And later, when I revisit it, I often realize I don’t need it. Sometimes, I don’t even want it anymore.
So now his trick helps my budget.
Thanks, Dad — Love you!
The “Three Suitcases” Exercise (a little reality check)
Let’s play a game. Imagen, that you’re moving to another country. Not for a weekend — for real. And you’re allowed to take three suitcases.
Okay. Pause.
Grab a notebook — or your imagination — and make a list. Everything you would pack. Go wild.
Now imagine: at the airport, a voice says, “Sorry, only two allowed.”
Ouch. What do you leave behind? You repack, say goodbye to your third suitcase, and walk on.
But wait — plot twist: “Only one suitcase per passenger!”
Now you really think. A 30 kg bag. What goes in?
A pair of sneakers. A laptop. Some jeans. Your passport. A charger. Maybe a book. A photo. Something that matters.
Suddenly, the noise fades. And what you’re left with — is your enough.
Ask: “What do I really want?”
We often think buying things will make us happy. But that’s a lie marketing taught us. Here is the list of coahing questions tht i offer my clients to deal with shopping cravings:
Why do I want this? What feeling am I trying to get? Emotion to experience?
Do I already have something similar?
Can I borrow it from a friend?
Can I rent it?
Most importantly: Can I get this feeling in another way, without buying anything?
Want to feel beautiful? Clean your space, put on a fresh T-shirt, go for a walk and look for beauty around you.
Want attention? Call your grandma. Text that friend you haven’t seen in years. Give your attention to them!
Want to feel sexy or confident? You don’t need heels or lipstick. You already have it in you. Take a salsa class. Maybe try pottery. Go laugh at a comedy show. Your joy will shine brighter than any dress.
And if a blogger or billboard or Magazine cover tells you otherwise — pinch yourself. You’re felt asleep again.
Time to wake up.
Mentioned studies and facts
1. Gillette & smooth armpits
Before 1915, women in the U.S. didn’t shave underarms — it simply wasn’t part of beauty standards.
Then Gillette launched their Milady Décolleté razor and a big campaign.
Ads showed women in sleeveless dresses with smooth skin. The message:
“Unwanted hair is not acceptable.”
Suddenly, shaving became part of “being a lady.”
2. De Beers & diamonds = love
In 1938, De Beers launched a campaign to increase diamond sales after the Great Depression. In 1947, they created the slogan “A diamond is forever.” Before this, only 10% of engagement rings had diamonds.By the 1980s — 80%. The Atlantic source
3. American Tobacco & “Torches of Freedom”
In 1929, PR legend Edward Bernays organized a parade where women smoked in public — calling cigarettes Torches of Freedom.
This broke the taboo and made smoking “empowering.” Wikipedia
4. Endowment effect
In 1990, MIT researchers gave students random mugs. Those who received them asked 3x more than buyers wanted to pay.
We always overvalue what we own. Study PDF
Want to bring more clarity into your life?
I created the program “From Life Vision to Closet Organization” to help people organize their goals, things, dreams, and money — all in one place.
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